Favorite bad NYC trip reports

';I liked my tour of San Quentin better.';

--World Traveller

My reply:

I hear you. I think we met at Devil%26#39;s Island. You had just returned from 21 days touring the Gulag archipelago. Next time you come, visit my friend Lola in the village. Ask her to play the ';Warden and Scrub Search'; game and then tell me about your San Quentin tour.

';i would rather visit a shack in virginia.';

--Andy in Orlando

My reply:

You%26#39;ll appreciate this as someone who lives in Orlando. Some really poor kids showed up in my friend%26#39;s Sunday school class. He asked them to pray for something they really wanted. They asked God to let them see Disneyland. The next week he them to an old burned-out warehouse in the Bronx. ';Oh, no,'; he said. ';Disneyland burned down.'; They cried and cried, but deep down, they thought it was a pretty good joke.

';Got mugged right off the train.';

--loganwx2000

My reply:

A friend of mine was set on fire in a taxi cab but she said she wasn%26#39;t really scared until she saw herself in a mirror.

';Visit another big city. Two of them I suggest is Chicago (The people there are very nice and will help you, just stay out of the east and west side) and Tokyo over in Japan.';

--A user

My reply:

If you care about those who love you, stop using. Second, my grandfather was in Japan in August of 1945. He said he would never go back again.

';Weather stinks everytime I%26#39;m in town, my feet feel like two clubs when I leave because you always have to wear 4-inch heels and walk everywhere.';

--DorothyfromKansas

My reply:

The weather is what it is but Mayor Bloomberg succeeded in having that law changed. Now, 3 1/2-inch heels can be worn if fishnet stockings are worn at the same time.

';I would not recommend relocationg to New York. If you don%26#39;t believe me, just listen to Ja Rule%26#39;s lyrics ';I%26#39;m From New York';.

--Banker boy from Chicago

My reply:

You could have saved yourself a lot of time and aggravation if you just would have read the inscription on the Statue of Liberty a little closer:

It says,

';Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,';

But down a little further in really small print it says,

';Just keep your dumb-a#s, Lake Shore Drive boiler-room scam artists the he!!l out of here.';

Favorite bad NYC trip reports

Keep taking the tablets, wingman. They%26#39;re bound to start working eventually.

Favorite bad NYC trip reports

Thanks, both of you.

chi hair